


Put To Rest

by lronspiderr



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Angst and Humor, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Platonic Relationships, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-13
Updated: 2019-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:54:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21759016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lronspiderr/pseuds/lronspiderr
Summary: After months of coping with the loss of Tony Stark, Peter decides to seek advice from the person who knew Tony best. Things don't go quite as planned, but nevertheless, Pepper turns out to be the exact comfort he needs.
Relationships: Peter Parker & Pepper Potts
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	Put To Rest

**Author's Note:**

> this work was beta read by the lovely [brooklynbarrnes](https://brooklynbarrnes.tumblr.com/) on tumblr- make sure to check them out! They write lovely stories.

Halfway there, Peter realized that he hadn't taken time into consideration before he left the apartment. It had been daytime when he crawled out of his room window, but when he arrived at his destination it was pitch black out and well past midnight.

He was beating himself up about the poor time management while he walked down the long, winding driveway. Then his focus shifted to his feet as they began to tire out from walking on the rocky uneven dirt. There was tall forest all around him but brittle tree bark could not withstand the pull of his webs, so he hadn’t been able to swing his way there for about two miles.

Karen had activated a feature of the mask so he could at least see where he was walking in the dark, but it left everything grey and eerie. When he considered going back home in defeat, he had seen glowing eyes behind him and there was no turning around after that.

He glanced over his shoulder nervously, then went back to kicking a pebble down the driveway. "Karen, are there bears in the area?"

The AI almost sounded amused. "I do not believe so, Peter. It was likely a deer that you saw." 

He sighed in relief, but then something else caught his eye. It was suspended in the air, and before his imagination could run wild, Karen disabled the night-vision and he could see that it was a lantern suspended above the porch steps.

Karen spoke softly; "Should I try to contact her?"

Peter stopped walking. "N-No, she's probably asleep and..." He trailed off. It surprised him that ‘won’t want to see me’ had crossed his mind. He didn't think he really believed that, but he had thought it so strongly.

He looked away from the cabin home and out towards the lake. The water appeared murky and dark in the night, but the porch light managed to reach it and illuminate some ripples in the water. The light reached a portion of the water’s grassy edge, and as he walked towards it, he could easily imagine the reactor placed on the bed of flowers before his feet. He pictured it slowly drifting away from him, the ripples in the water carrying it away and out of sight.

He breathed in deeply and held it for a second. "Is it out there? The reactor?"

"I can't say for sure, Peter, but it is likely."

He briefly wondered if it was at the bottom of the lake, or if the now-dead flowers had supported it enough and got it snagged on a log or tree branch.

It had been a good, significant gesture, but Peter was confused as to why Pepper didn't want to keep it. Something to remember him by.

Selfishly, he thought he wouldn't mind having the arc reactor for himself. Wouldn't diving down to retrieve it be like desecrating a grave, though? 

He looked back at the cabin. It was a nice home, maybe not exactly what he'd think Tony to enjoy, but nice all the same. He could imagine early mornings sitting on the porch or sunny afternoons tending to the garden. 

"Can you- is she awake, by chance?"

The eyes of his suit lit up as the AI scanned the home. His breath caught when he saw one heat signature moving around, and a smaller heat signature laying still. Morgan; he had met her only once and hadn't actually talked to her, only sent a forced smile her way when they accidentally locked eyes after the reactor had been sent out.

"Pepper is awake," Karen confirmed.

Peter wasn't exactly sure why he had asked. He had come to see them, yes, but it was too late now to have such a heavy conversation like the one he had planned for.

Regardless, he moved in a wide arch from the lake towards the porch. He stayed in the comfort of the shadows for as long as was possible, and when he stepped just before where the porch light reached, he paused.

He could smell the flowers and other plants in the garden. It was calming and refreshing, compared to the city or that fake flower fragrance in May's laundry detergent. He breathed in deeply, his nerves calming as he exhaled.

Except, he heard a strange heartbeat, and then there was a terrifying noise in his ears that actually made him jump off the ground.

"Karen!" He cried, pleading for the night-vision back as he tried to peer in the darkness. The heartbeat was confusing but he wasn't about to question it when the noise sounded again.

The screen door to the cabin flew open and Pepper rushed out. Her expression was nothing like Peter had ever seen on her, a mixture of determination and pure protectiveness. She had a repulsor on from her suit and was pointing it blindly until she spotted him. She narrowed her eyes. "... Kid?" She relaxed and took the piece of armor off with a sigh.

Pepper opened the door and reached inside to flick a switch. A light on top of the cabin shined down on Peter, the garden, and a peculiar alpaca. The animal made a much less startling noise before bending its neck and eating one of the plants.

"Gerald," Pepper scolded. The alpaca ignored her.

Peter stared at the animal in confusion, but a smile was creeping onto his lips. "Wait, you said Gerald?"

Pepper held back a sigh. "I was never the one to choose names. 'Morgan' was his idea too."

He nodded, but it was a few seconds too late because Pepper noticed. She gestured and led him inside to the kitchen.

He pulled off his mask and sat on one of the stools. He felt the urge to speak, but Pepper's back was turned to him as she poured them glasses of water, and it didn't feel right.

As she turned and set one of them in front of him, she tilted her head and smiled warily. "Is your aunt aware that you're gone?"

Of course that would be the first thing she asked. Maybe she had learned it from Tony, he thought. "Yeah, she does. Though I didn't mean to be gone so long. Um...sort of forgot how far away the cabin is."

"I'll call her," she said, and had grabbed the home phone before he could protest. "You might as well stay the night."

He shook his head and moved his hand in a cutting motion, "I couldn't-"

Pepper smiled and held the phone to her ear. "Hi Miss Parker. I'm sorry to disturb you- oh, I see. Yes, he's safe, he's with me. Is it alright for him to spend the night? I agree, well thank you. I'll have him back in the morning. Mmhm, you too, goodbye."

Peter stared. "...Um, well, I'll take the couch?"

Disapproval flashed across her face. "That futon is not comfortable in the slightest. There's a guest room between mine and Morgan's."

"Oh. Okay, thanks."

Pepper took a seat on a stool and looked at him for a moment, and all he could do was sit there and try not to squirm or avoid her gaze. She glanced towards the hallway, but Morgan hadn't come from her room yet so she relaxed. "Is there something you want to tell me? Was there something you needed?"

The easy answer was yes, but anxiety was fluttering and expanding in his chest and he was finding it hard to voice that simple word. He gave a pathetic shrug in response.

There was something he needed, something he needed to ask, but he didn't know how he could possibly bring it up now.

"Well," Pepper guessed, "does it have something to do with Tony?"

He looked at her and wondered how she had known. Quite likely, if she hadn't learned to see through people with Tony, then she had learned to with raising Morgan. 

Peter nodded slowly. Besides himself, he didn't know how sensitive she was about Tony's death still. It had been a little over eight months now, but that didn't necessarily mean anything. It certainly didn't for Peter.

Pepper reached out and set her hand over his, and her expression was one of both pity and understanding. "I know it's difficult. He was a great man, and he affected people in a way that he could never be forgotten."

Peter nodded, and looked down at his mask on the table. "...But when you can't forget him, how do you move on?" He nearly flinched at his own words. "I don't mean that I want to forget- that's not what- It's just..." He took a deep breath and told himself to relax. "It's just that I still think about him, so much. He's everywhere...a-and that's a good thing, he deserves it but...my suits, the software in them, it's all him."

"You know, for a good portion of my life, it's been the same way. I worked for him, and even when I took over the company, it was his company, under his name." Pepper smiled. "Now there's Morgan, and she has picked up so many of his quirks and habits..." She then said, "I think it's bothering you the same way that it bothered me in the past."

Peter waited eagerly, wanting an explanation for something about himself he couldn't understand. Would she know? Or would she be wrong?

"He made a big name for himself, and he put passion into everything he did, and everyone he loved. But he didn't always know how to do it, or sometimes he didn't explain himself and he'd leave everyone else to figure it out." She shook her head fondly. "He loved people through actions. While important, it never hurts to simply voice it." 

She squeezed his hand. "Tony loved you, Peter. He did it the way he knew how, through his name and everything associated with it. Through big gifts, actions, but few words." 

Peter pulled his hand away to wipe at tears that hadn't fallen yet. He battled to clear the lump in his throat while memories of Tony tried to make the lump bigger until he couldn’t let out any sound. As flashes of memories crossed his mind, he held a hand on his chest and took a deep breath. Finally, the lump grew smaller and he could speak, although his voice shook. "I just- I don't know why I can't rest. Why I can't rest easy without him on my mind, or without wondering what he'd say."

Pepper seemed stricken with something he had said, but she didn’t draw away. She reached out and set a gentle but firm hand on his back, then tilted her head and held an encouraging expression for him to continue his thought. "What he'd say about what, Peter?"

"I don't know," was his immediate reply, but he gave a legitimate answer after taking a second to collect his thoughts. "What he'd say about me, what I've done, or...what he'd say if he were here." 

He stared down at his hands with blurry eyes as tears threatened to spill. "...Moving on means- I know it doesn't mean forgetting them, but it means not having to feel pain when you think about them, right?"

"Not necessarily."

Peter looked up at her. She had tears in her eyes, and he felt awful when it dawned on him that he was making her talk about something so painful like her deceased husband. 

"The same memories that bring you joy can bring you sadness too. What do you think of when you think about him?"

His mouth was dry but he couldn't bring himself to take a sip of water. "I...think about what he's told me. Or what he's done for the world...or that moment on Titan when I went away." His voice cracked.

"Well, take his words with a grain of salt."

He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. 

"Tony always spoke in a roundabout way," she said with a chuckle. "I know how responsible he felt for you, and...if he ever spoke angrily, there was something else behind it. Worry, or concern."

Peter shook his head like he didn't believe that it meant anything other than disappointment, but then it dawned on him. "I'm really stupid..."

"You're not stupid at all."

His vision blurred and tears started to fall. One rolled far down his cheek, followed by another, and he let them sit there as the sadness began to untether him. It was only when Pepper began to rub circles on his back that he remembered where he was. He blinked rapidly to clear the tears from his eyes and tried to ground himself into the present, into the dimly lit kitchen of the cabin home, as well as the summer night breeze entering through the kitchen window.

Suddenly there was the padding of bare feet against hardwood, and a tiny strong heartbeat. They both turned to look at Morgan, who had emerged from her room with a teddy bear in hand. She saw Peter first and frowned, stopping by the doorway, then saw her mother and stepped forward.

"Hi honey," Pepper said as she got up. "Did we wake you?"

Morgan nodded silently. Peter felt guilty, and it worsened when he imagined her waking up all confused by the sound of a foreign voice so late at night.

"I'm sorry," Pepper said. "Want me to tuck you in?"

Morgan ignored her mother reaching out for her, and walked slowly over to Peter instead. She peered up at him, then at the spider on his suit, and back to him. "It's Daddy's," she acknowledged in a tiny, sleepy voice.

Peter was looking to Pepper for help, not sure what to say or do, so she swooped Morgan up and smiled at her. "Yes, it is. Do you want milk or water, sweetheart?"

Morgan smiled. "Popsicle?"

She sighed. "I'll never stop hearing that, hm? How about some grape juice?" Her daughter seemed content with that, so she grabbed one of the little juice boxes from the fridge and gave it to her. 

She looked over at Peter; "Maybe you can check out the guest room while I put her to bed?"

Peter nodded and followed them down the hall to three doors. The one left open was Morgan's, and Pepper took her in there. He watched Morgan hug her teddy bear and smile at something her mother said. He looked away and stared at the door in front of him, the one in-between like Pepper had said.

For a second, he was unable to move. The two were speaking quietly but he could hear it easily regardless. Morgan asked why her father's friend was there, and it broke the spell. He bolted forward and went into the room.

Plain, spacious, comfortable. 

He closed the door behind him and wandered to the bed. He turned and sat down on the edge, and let out a shaky breath he had been holding ever since Morgan had entered the kitchen.

He felt like he shouldn't be there. They were doing fine and then he crashed in, and it had occurred to him that his presence might be hurting them.

Pepper knocked on the door, then entered with folded clothes in her hands. "I found his old clothes that should fit you, hopefully." She glanced at his suit, which was dusty from the driveway. "Want me to wash that?"

He shook his head. "It'll stain, and it makes loud dinging noises against the sides of the washer..."

She smiled and he wasn't sure why.

She set the clothes on the bed, then stepped back. "You're welcome here anytime," she insisted. 

He could only nod. The sentiment didn't completely erase his belief that they didn't really want him there.

"... I'm not Tony," she said, "and I'm sure he'd have some odd, clever way of saying what moving on really means. I hope what I said earlier helped. But, some sleep will make things better and we have tomorrow morning."

"It did, it did help. Thank you." He tried to smile, but it barely upturned the corners of his mouth.

"Goodnight, Peter."

"Mhm. 'Night."

She closed the door behind her, and then the hallway light was turned off.

Peter sighed and looked down at his suit. It wasn't comfortable to sleep in. He looked at the clothes, sweatpants and a graphic t-shirt.

He would say goodnight to Karen but he had left the mask on the table accidentally, so he silently changed, then crawled under the covers. 

The t-shirt had a band name he recognized on it, Iron Maiden. It wasn't one he had ever listened to, unless they were the ones who did Harvester of Sorrow (they were not).

Unsurprisingly, he wasn't able to sleep.

'Tony always spoke in a roundabout way.'

Peter thought about some of the things Tony had told him. He was often upset with him.

'And if you'd died, I feel like that's on me.' After the ferry was blasted in half. Peter understood that as his mentor, it would fall on him and his name.

'You're alright.' As he stumbled to him. He hadn't understood what he meant, because he hadn't been alright.

He wasn't sure why those two came to mind. It had been years since he dealt with Toomes, and he didn't think he had been that fazed by the snap once he realized he'd be okay.

He thought about what Pepper had said, and tried to understand Tony's words from a different perspective.

"...You idiot." He didn't know if that was directed to Tony or himself. He was smiling, though, but hot tears were rolling down his face and he was putting a hand over his mouth as if it would hide his sobs. Was that what Pepper had meant about memories being both sad and happy? It weirdly reminded him of Inside Out.

'Tony loved you, Peter.'

It had been so obvious, really, but Peter had been blind to it. He had projected his own disappointment and frustration onto Tony and back at himself.

He thought back to the Iron Man art he had seen spray painted onto an alley wall recently. The world hadn't moved on yet. Maybe he should be decent and give himself some more time, too.

Crying ultimately tuckered him out. After the tears had dried on the pillow and the sobs had dissipated from his chest, he easily fell into a deep peaceful sleep. It would be clear the next morning that getting a good night’s rest had helped like Pepper said it would.

She seemed right about everything.

  
  
  
  
  



End file.
